Spots and Beauty Spots

My body disgusts me

The way it grows hair

And sheds flakes of skin

How fingernails stretch out

Toenails curl

Earwax accumulates to soften the sharp noise from my surroundings, dulling my senses

Isolating me

Smothering me in my own personal silence.

The way my lips dry out

And my spit sloshes around inside my mouth.

The way my veins are so crystal clear beneath my flesh

The bags under my eyes so fat, puffy, dark

My body so bony

My fingers, little stubs

My eyes so crusty in the morning after the tears have dried up

And the skin on the underside of my arm

Raw and broken from scratching

Itching

My scalp dry

My teeth wonky

Uneven

Spots and ‘beauty’ spots

Constellations on my body which I wish would just hurry up and fade away.

The incessant beating of my heart

The forced rise and fall of my chest

The rapid flickering of my eyes, desperate to draw more information in

For my toxic brain

In it’s thick bone cage

With it’s network that keeps me all together

Makes me like this

Makes me physical

Makes me real to some extent

Traps me in this world

To navigate on my own

In the capsule I so wish would shut down

Would stop working

Would malfunction and collapse,

Rest.

The pulsing of blood in my arteries is too much of a rush

Too violent

My senses too dull

And at other times

Overpowering.

My body disgusts me.

Let me out.

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Spots and Beauty Spots

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